It has again been along time since I posted. I would say that I have been very busy, but that doesn't do justice to my use of time. I alternate between periods of being very busy with periods of having nothing to do, or being too tired to do anything. I didn't realize just how much coping was called for to do this. But a lot as happened.
I have planned the training for the students. It has gradually evolved to a two week training with about 60 students, at all levels. I will be examining the theory and the therapy of psychological trauma. It will be a shortened version of my YU course. There are problems. The first is English. We are mandated to teach in English but the student's english is not very good. I think the university is ignoring the problem, or making claims that simply aren't true about the student's capacity. My plan is to have some students helping with translation and break the students into small groups about 2/3 through the lecture so that the ones who speak english can explain what I said to the students who don't. We'll see.
At a more practical level, many of the students can't afford notebooks or pens. I agreed to pay for them, or rather let my fulbright money pay for them. I don't mind, but I again wonder what this says about the possible quality of the learning. Again, we'll see. I do what I can.
I've also made a good connection with two students and am planning to supervise their BAC 4 (senion) this. Isiah is one of the smartest students I have had. He would be smart anywhere but he is particularly remarkable in Rwanda. He independently realized the problem of children born of wartime rape, and conceptualized it as an identity issue. I think he is the future of psychology in Rwanda. Fabien is more complex. He is from a rich farming family that lost everything in the genocide, and very driven. He learned english working as a security guard and managed to find benefactors. His english is quite good, and he sounds likehe was educated in England, although he is self taught. He has a german girlfriend who he plans to marry. He hopes to study abroad, possibly in the Netherlands or the US, and possibly move out of the country. At first I found him grating but as I got to know his history I became more sympathetic. He wants do do work on coping, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in Rwanda, and this is an important topic. I don't think that he is the future of psychology in Rwanda, although he may be a leader in the Rwandan diaspora.
Psychologically I'm OK, although still strained. My biggest problem is not knowing anybody. There isn't much of an expat community, not that I would necessarily want it, and the expat community that does exist seems to be francophone. Sometimes I go to the Ibis and just sit to be surrounded by white faces, even if I can't understand what they are saying. Hopefully, I will get to know more people when the semester starts, in early october I think. The academic calendar seems to be somewhat of a secret.
Hello Carl!!! Now that I am officially done with internship/massive degree-earning, I have time to follow your Rwandan journey. I am sorry that I haven't written up until this point (besides our back and forth manuscript emails), but please know I am always thinking of you in Rwanda, and sending you positive thoughts. Having time to read your blog is the newest pro that I'm adding to my "Why I Shouldn't be Too Upset that I don't have a Job Right Now" list, to counter my more easily-accessed "Why I should be freaking out" list. It is so annoying how our thoughts can sometimes interrupt these good things that come our way, right? I mean, when is the last time, or next time that I am going to have an opportunity like this? Alas, my anxieties about survival and connection and contribution, and of course what other people might be thinking about me get in the way of enjoying this unique time. BTW, if anything I am writing about is resonating with what you may be experiencing in trying to appreciate as best you can the present moment despite some prickly edges of unfamiliarity and discomfort, I am glad, that is part of my objective :)
ReplyDeleteAs you see, time is moving quickly! You have already been there two months. Before you know it, you will be back to your routine in the U.S. It sounds like you are making good use of your time and making good headway planning your student training program. I think that the obstacles you are facing like the language limitations and costly supplies will be part of the everyday realities that will really define your experience and what you will remember most. It also makes me think of what they say about death: you do it alone. Similarly, you may have connections and organizations and stipends supporting your journey, but in your everyday reality, you really are doing this alone. And that is damn hard. But again, I think that's what makes this such a unique, rare experience.
However, you really aren't alone. You are surrounded by people that want to learn from you and have you learn from them, and really connect. If there are obstacles of suspicion and distrust, well, we know why those are there, and for good reason. But you can also try putting yourself out there and modeling traits from a more hedonic realm. I say, start sharing your anxieties with the Rwandans that you are connecting with. Let them know how you are really feeling and what you are needing. I think modeling that kind of emotional vulnerability could really benefit both of you. Talk soon, and take care, Denise